DJ Who Groped Taylor Swift Paid His $1 Settlement to Her in the Rudest Way Possible

We all remember the accusation and lawsuit aight?

Well, months after winning the lawsuit in which she accused former DJ David Mueller of groping her in 2013, Taylor Swift has received her settlement—one full US dollar—in the form of a Sacagawea coin. 

The AP reports Mueller “intended the coin featuring a prominent Native American woman as a final jab at the singer in a case her side called a win for all women.”

First of all, that’s not even a particularly clever jab. Second of all, what a tremendous asshole!

Speaking of tremendous assholes, or, I don’t know, maybe just tremendous dumbasses (it’s really hard to tell because this quote is so incomprehensible), Russell Crowe said something very strange at last night’s Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts Awards.

Here’s his story (which was reportedly cut from the TV broadcast) in full:

I just want to talk about what binds us together. There’s two things really. One is an abiding passion for our pursuit and the other is sensitivity.

I was sodomizing Jackie McKenzie on the set of Romper Stomper and I didn’t actually intend to do that but I was trying to keep my bits away from her bits and she’d been given one of those pieces of elastic that the girls get when you do those scenes, which protects them from all things, and my bits and pieces were in a little canvas sack with a drawstring.

And it was actually my desire to keep the bits apart. It wasn’t until the opening night of the film that it was pointed out by none other than Jackie McKenzie’s beautiful late mother that we were in fact, in her mind, engaged in sodomy. Anyway that was just a story about sensitivity!

So did he sodomize her or did Jackie McKenzie’s “beautiful late mother” just think he was sodomizing her? And regardless, what does any of this have to do with sensitivity?

Someone help me out here.